Well, sort of. It's 2:49, and I SHOULD be in bed, since this will do all sorts of horrible things to my sleeping pattern... since in less than 35 hours time, I will have sat my first exam. Granted, it's English, but in the IB EVERYTHING  COUNTS TOWARDS THE FINAL GRADE. So it all matters. Thank GOD this will all be over by the 22nd...

Which I hope will be the opening of a new chapter in my life. It probably won't be, as so many times when I have hoped for such a change; that just doesn't happen to me. I want to live during summer. I've not done really... anything, over the past two years. Okay, I watched a lot of films and anime, but I was never involved in the fandoms surrounding them in the way I wanted to be. So I shall be heceforth more active! I spend so much time lurking, it's shameful. If I should enjoy fandom, it should be constructive on some level! Also, I shall be attending the London Expo on the 23rd and 24th! - my first convention <3 ... and none of my friends are going, and I'm not cosplaying. But who cares! I'm doing something!

Then of course there's reading - not fanfiction, original literature... and I want to get into some philosophy books, just because I've been having way too many debates and feel hideously uninformed! And relearning saxophone, since I haven't touched it since I started the IB and want to play it for Uni. And get my drivers liscence.

And PICNICS. The weather owes the UK and me a good summer! And all my friends have expressed interest in it. Not to mention it's a nice chance to practice making snack food, which is obviously vital for Uni!

Oh, good times. No way will summer live up to all this. But I can dream, no? 

Of course, there is that troublesome hurdle called exams ahead.

But lets not think about that right now.

Half term has finally arrived, meaning I no longer have to feel guilty about not going to school. Yay. Now, a mountain of work to climb so I can head back after the hols.... yikes. Oh, it looks pretty big. Damn.

Anyway, yesterday was Valentines Day, but more importantly, Mother Dearest's birthday. Now, after all the hell of booking a table for an evening meal, my dad was unable to make it up from down South due to the dreaded Man Flue. So we had to cancel, throwing out all my precious planning, oh woe! But this is beside the point. Mum enjoyed the day - we had a pub lunch, and then went to see 'Slumdog Millionaire', a depressing movie until the very end, but a good one.

I recently started playing FFXII, and am now about 15 hours into it... it's not doing my work any favours though....

Yeah, life hasn't gotten anymore interesting lately. But this is better than nothing, right? RIGHT?!






right?

Well, this is great. My parents insist I stay off school; I'm clearly not in the right mental state to cope with the current work load they insist on piling on us continually. I feel... pathetic. I've never -wanted- to attend school, I've always hated some part of it, but I would never skip a day for no apparent reason. It feels like I'm lying. Though, the stress has gotten to the stage where I occasionally double over because my stomach hurts and I can't concentrate for very long at all, so I can feel a little justified. Not to mention that it would take far longer to journey into school in the current weather, which is 'terrible' (by UK standards. Average winter for many many other places, and positively wonderfully warm for Siberia, I imagine).

So I do have an excuse. And I kinda like not being at school. And it is sort of helping me calm down and chip away at all that late work.. urgh. Why am I sat here writing this? I should write more though. I started this journal for some reason, if only to present myself to the world at large and shriek a feeble 'look, I exist! I'm real! Hiya!' sort of thing. Not to mention I am disgusted by the way that I burden my real friends and family with my constant depressive outlook. At least here people can actively and comfortably ignore my stupid behavior. Though I suppose I'm a hypocrite; if I cared that much about not wanting to make people feel uncomfortable, I'd make this private. God I suck today.

Oh well.

Hopefully I will read this some day and laugh.

Sorry to anyone who read this and has been made depressed. This is self-pity at it's worst, but it's part of who I am, so... meh.

Well, I have this journal now. And like just about every journal/blog/website that I hold my name to, it has been left to clutter up cyberspace and be slowly engulfed by what ever the internet equivalent of dust bunnies is. Though there probably isn't one. This is the point where my metaphor collapses. Not that you probably hadn't noticed.

Nevertheless, in order to fulfill my general attempt at improvement, including the desire to actually, you know, finish what I've started, I may as well actually post something. This also has the bonus of giving the illusion of actually being constructive, which it won't be, since no one will read this, except for me. Oh, how I will laugh at my juvenile language use in a few years time when I wonder what became of this...

SO...

Yeah.

This is as awkward for me as it is for you, imaginary audience!

What do I have to say? My profile is horrifically vague, because I'm terrible at giving personal information into that format. Maybe I should play around with it. That would be another wonderful time-stuffer.

So why bother with a journal, if you have no reason to have one? I'm terribly bad at making friendships online, which is sad, because I'm hardly the most naturally charismatic of persons in real life either. Yet I love observing people online and offline, as a hobby, and possibly a future career (I'm hoping to study Psychology at Uni next year). But there is a distinction between real life and the internet - in real life, people can notice you, which somehow makes it seem less rude in my weird logic. On the internet, you have to make your presence actively known. This I am bad at. I am a true lurker. The habit has evolved from my behaviour on forums, where I only post if I feel I really, REALLY have something to contribute to a conversation, which isn't very often.

I created an account to let people know I exist, and that I'm reading their stuff, and it's good. And I'm not a creepy stalker person, but an approachable human being. At least, this is the image that I want to give. But then, an empty journal does not help! In fact, it makes you look like a creepy stalker person who is trying to pretend they are not one!

Hopefully I will actually write interesting stuff in the future. Because right now my life is quite full, yet kinda dull.